‘Boys will be boys!’ This enduring adage has been understood to imply that a certain amount of mischief from boys is perfectly acceptable and, to an extent, to be ignored. It is crucial, however, for parents to validate the emotions of their sons while maintaining necessary boundaries for healthy growth. “Raising Our Sons: Understanding the Inner Life of Boys” is a webinar presentation from George Papageorge (MA, MFT) that encourages parents to carefully listen to the hearts of their sons to establish better connections. By doing so, it will help structure the emotional maturation boys require—but often miss out on—during critical phases of their development.

*Note: In advance of viewing the webinar, print the “top-ten list” (which will be completed as you watch) and the separate outline as a useful guide to the webinar.

Click here to download the webinar worksheet: Top Ten-Raising Boys

Click here to download the webinar worksheet: Raising Sons Worksheet

Discussion Points:

1. George Papageorge says that parents should realize their sons will often test boundaries as a normal part of their development toward independence.  It is necessary, however, to set limits and establish levels of appropriateness. As parents, how do you establish boundaries for your son’s behavior? Is he fully aware of his expectations and limits? What are effective disciplinary measures when limits are crossed?  

2. As parents, we should avoid reactive responses (i.e., anger) to our son’s negative behavior. George Papageorge says we are tempted to respond reactively because we usually take the misbehavior personally. Measured, empathetic responses—on the other hand—will teach our sons emotional literacy. Think of a time when you might have taken your son’s negative behavior personally and responded reactively. What could you have done differently? How might it have changed your son’s future behavior?  

3. Since time and play are two major components of a boy’s sense of feeling loved, how do you arrange your schedule to regularly interact with your son in these significant ways?

4. Deep connections with our sons come about by effective communication. George Papageorge mentions several “killers” and “cultivators” of communication.  Communicating well provides the dual benefit of 1) building healthy, trusting relationships with them and 2) teaches them the emotional literacy they will require as they advance toward adulthood. Is there a particular communication “killer” that you might be prone to? Which communication “cultivators” do you use with your son? Which ones might you integrate more?

5. Because boys frequently lack self-awareness, there is the frightening possibility they may turn to “outer” behaviors that are harmful, addictive to manage stresses or fill voids in their lives. As parents, how do you approach the numerous temptations that encircle young people today? Is your son enrolled in Sunday School, serving as an altar boy, or a member of another youth ministry? These are all healthy channels in pursuing a healthy “inner” life. 

Prayer for Our Children

“O God, our heavenly Father, Who loves mankind and is a most merciful and compassionate God, have mercy upon Your servant(s) (names), for whom I humbly pray to You, and whom I commend to Your gracious care and protection. O God, be their guide and guardian in all their endeavors, lead them in the path of Your truth, and draw them nearer to You, so that they may lead a godly and righteous life in Your love and fear, doing Your will in all things. Give them grace and mercy so that they may be patient, hard working, tireless, devout, and charitable. Defend them against the assaults of the enemy, and grant them wisdom and strength to resist all temptation and corruption, and direct them in the way of salvation, through the goodness of your Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, and the prayers of His holy Mother and the blessed Saints. Amen.”

Taken from Small Book of Prayers for Parents (Trebugov Studios) (www.iconmotif.com)