Attending To Your Marriage

It’s not easy being married today. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, since we all know lots of couples who are happily married. It’s just harder than it’s been at other times. As a result, this section of the Interfaith Marriage Web site is intended to help you protect and strengthen your marriage in the divorce culture in which we live.

In addition, sometimes couples become so conflicted that they are unable - on their own - to reverse certain unhealthy patterns that are causing them to slip-slide toward marital dissatisfaction and marital meltdown. If this last statement relates to you, and you find yourself in a troubled marriage, here are a few suggestions that I highly recommend you prayerfully act upon.

• Second, consider reading my latest book entitled, Attending to Your Marriage: A Resource for Christian Couples. This book contains a great deal of helpful information that can assist mildly conflicted couples make some needed changes. Seriously conflicted couples should also find the information useful, but not entirely sufficient in helping them address their challenges. For more information about this book, or to order a copy, simply click on this link.

• Third, if you need some direction, or desire a second opinion, you can E-mail me at joanidesch@aol.com. I will do what I can to provide some helpful suggestions, as well as assisting you in your efforts to find some much desired and needed help.

Articles:

• Attending to Your Marriage’s Needs
  When I meet with conflicted couples, I try and advocate for the marriage. To put it another way, I try and help couples recover the love, intimacy and trust they’ve lost over the years.
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• Do You Have A High Priority Marriage
  I’m certain you’re aware that a high percentage of marriages in our society are failing. 
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• Guidelines When Looking for the Love of Your Life
  As a married priest, couple’s therapist and researcher, I have had theprivilege to counsel hundreds of couples.
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• Commitment - The Glue That Holds Marriages Together
  Do you know what a starter home is?  For those who don’t, a starter home is a home that some young couples might buy when they first get married. And as their needs change, and their bank account and family grows, they will move into a larger home. In effect, a starter home is a place for them to start life. 
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• Life Circumstances Can Make Us Bitter or Better
  The other day, I had occasion to meet informally with a couple who’d been married for 51 years. By their own admission, “things hadn’t always gone the way they hoped.” 
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• Don't Argue to Win, Press Toward Resolution
  When you find yourselves caught in a serious disagreement, don’t argue to win. Instead, press to resolution together. 
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• If You're not Getting Enough From Your Marriage, Then You're Probably not Giving Enough to Your Marriage
  We’re a nation of people who seem to be fixated on our personal needs, often to the exclusion of the needs of others around us. 
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• Three Powerful Words; "I am Sorry"
  I recently worked with a couple who initially made some marked progress in therapy and then just as quickly slipped back into some old destructive patterns. 
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• Should we or Shouldn't we Live Together
  In the sixties, my generation called it “shacking up.” Today it’s called “living together,” and academics call it “cohabitation.” 
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• Avoid Arguments Related to Your Religious Differences:  Ten Strategies 
  What often begins as a harmless exchange between spouses over their ethnic and religious differences can quickly escalate into a serious argument that is characterized by lots of destructive criticism, contempt, and perhaps even defensiveness.
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• Praying Together Helps Couples Stay Together
  When I conduct premarital preparation workshops and marital enhancement workshops, at some point during the day, I may ask participants some questions to determine how many couples pray together. Here’s the approach I use.
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• The Three Rs:  Recognition, Remorse and Repair
  The other day I was working with a couple who were especially angry at each other. Try as I did to get them to focus on something other than their anger, nothing I did and said seemed to resonate. 
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• Getting Past Couple Gridlock
  Father Charles,
  I was raised Greek Orthodox and I married a man who was raised Catholic. After one year of marriage, we have been struggling with the following major question:   In which religion will we raise our future children?  I know that a successful marriage is built on sacrifice and consideration for your partner, but what do you do when one person has to give? This issue is not something I am willing to compromise? Please help. As time passes I feel more confused.
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• Challenges Related to Remarriage and Stepfamily Life
  Dear Fr. Charles, 
  I have concerns related to our faithful who remarry. This is especially true when the children are teens….It seems to me the problems that these remarried couples have are numerous….In an attempt to be more helpful to these couples, can you help me better understand what special problems remarried couples face?
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• Strategies to Help Intermarried Couples 
  Celebrate The Holidays
  Research indicates that the holiday season brings added challenges and stress into our lives. Intermarried couples and their families, because of their different religious and cultural backgrounds, are especially at risk when the holidays come.  The purpose of this article is twofold:
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• Recovering From Infidelity: Part I
  Dear Father Charles,
  I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me for a few months now.  When I confronted him, he denied everything and got really angry.  After we argued, he promised not to have any further contact with her.  Since he made that promise, he continues to talk with her.  I think I have also found more evidence of some cheating.... I have mixed feelings about my marriage, and I don't know what to do.  We have three young children.  I would like to try to save the marriage for their sake.  I am too embarrassed to consult my priest.  I wonder if God is punishing me. I hope you can provide some direction.
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• Recovering From Infidelity: Part II
Infidelity is a serious breach of trust.  Despite the serious nature of this breach, many couples can and do recover from infidelity. It is not an easy recovery process.  
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